Thursday, February 14, 2008

Just alot of what is going on in my mind.

Why when I want something so bad that it just seems so far out of reach.I want to be the best person I can and I want to try my hardest to live my life the way I should.So why do I fall so hard? I try to be a good person Heavenly father would want me to be but it just seems so far away.I want to be a enternal family but it just seems so hard.I love my life and my family and try so hard but I just fall and stumble so much.Why must life be so hard sometimes?What am I really here for, what does Heavenly Father want of me? Do I really have it in me to do the things I know are right? With each day I struggle with those questions who am where am I going.I know that I was put here for a true purpose a meaning but why do I feel it is so hard to find.I have no one who I can talk to about this without them giving me a hard time for what I should be doing there is no easy answer no straight forward way.It just seems like alot of ppl get it so easy.How can it be so easy for them to have such faith? When I sit here just trying to figure out the small things I know heavenly father loves me I know he wants what is best for me.Then why can't it be easy?I see these women who never doubt for one minute who they are.Oh what I would give to have that sort of thing to know in my heart and never have any waver.I know that isn't how it really is but why am I tempted by things that others aren't? I want to be the one to stand up and say YES I know it is all true and I will never waver again.How do I get to that point? How do I get my family to that point I feel so lost in this big world sometimes.why can't I just take that tiny little step what is holding me back?


Kaylene said...

(((HUGS))) The only answer I know is to keep trying and to look to the Lord for strength. He loves us so much regardless of our shortcomings.

~*Celeste*~ said...

Brittany I have tears from reading this. I have felt the same way in the past. It is hard to go back, but it is so worth it! Take baby steps hon....take it one sunday at a time. Go to sacrament for a few sundays if thats all you can handle. Then work your way up to sunday school, then to going all three blocks. You can do it. It takes a lot of faith, but I know you have it in you. I have so much faith in you, Brittany. I think about you often and pray for you. The Lord knows your strengths and weaknesses and he loves you no matter what your flaws are.