Wednesday, August 18, 2010

A moving experience

So as some may know I lost a baby boy in Dec of 04. It was a very trying experience and I have come to terms with a lot of things involving his death and my healing. I think tonight I finally closed one last door to his passing. I have never been to the NICU even when he was in there.I was to sick to go down and see him before they brought him to me.His passing was a bittersweet moment in my life.I know that he did something so great that he only needed to be here for 12 hrs.I am truly at peace with everything except that I have never been able to go to the place where he lived most of his short life.

My grandmother is in the same hospital that he passed on in.She was sent to the ICU on Monday and has healed quicker then anyone expect her too.I went tonight to tell her to have a safe trip home.

So I had a strong feeling I needed to go to the the NICU.I went to the information desk and asked the lady if she could help me.I told that it has been almost 6 years and that I had yet to see the NICU.She said well I am not sure they will remember you but we can try.The lady was so sweet and nice,she called down there and they said they didn't remember me but I was welcome to come and see it.I walked down there with the wonderful info lady.Once I got there they informed me that one of the nurses that was working tonight was one of the nurses that helped deliver and take care of my sweet baby.They then had me walk in the NICU.As soon as I walked in I felt the spirit so strong in there I stared to cry.They were so kind and showed me where his islet was and where they cared for him.I cried for awhile it was so overwhelming to be there but in a way very peaceful It is hard to explain it.I talked to the nurse who cared for him and she said she helped with the memory box that was made for our family.

This was such a wonderful experience I knew that Bradly was there with me in spirit.I felt so close to him tonight.I really didn't want to leave.As I left I gave the nurse a huge hug and told her thank you for being there for him when I couldn't be.I went away with this feeling that I had finally made the last few steps to closing some open wounds that I thought I had closed.

I know that loosing a child at any age is so difficult.But tonight I feel more at peace with my loss then I have ever have since the day he passed. My life was forever changed when Bradly was sent to our family.Although he was there for such a short time he made me who I am today and for the most part I am truly thankful for the life I have had because of my special angel.


Beth said...

That brought tears to my eyes. I am so glad that you went and had peace. What a sweet angel baby you have looking out for you.

Beth (from MOTs)

Lisa said...

Oh my dear friend. This is beautiful!

Ashlie said...

I am so happy you got to go do that and was able to experience the feeling you had. I love you!

Anonymous said...

I am so glad that you were able to go to the NICU. Your words touched me deeply. May you continue on your journey of healing.